#26. The Incident With The Iron

Prompt: “You are going to appear on a talk show. The producer comes backstage to elicit a funny story that the host should focus on. Write the story like a monologue you are giving for national TV.”

Okay, so this story is one of my absolute favourite stories, it’s one that I like to tell a lot to strangers at parties, so I’m gonna tell it here. Basically when I was around 8 years old or so, I’m not sure exactly but I always say 8 and my mum has never corrected me, so we’ll stick with 8.

Anyway I was about 8, my mum was getting me and my brother ready to go visit a family friend, and she must have been ironing something because she had left the board out with the iron on it to cool down. Now I think she’d gone upstairs to get my brother ready, because he was just a toddler at this point right, and he couldn’t dress himself or whatever.

So I’m downstairs and I wanted to see if the iron was still hot and I was old enough to know that you don’t touch hot things because you know, it kind of hurts. However, at that point in time my little kid brain didn’t think that your tongue could feel anything. So I went and did the only logical thing in my 8-year old mind.

I licked the iron.

The iron was definitely still hot. I burnt all my tongue and it went completely numb. Now I realised straight away that I’d just done a very stupid thing and my mum would probably yell/laugh at me, so I spent the whole car ride and most of the visit to my mum’s friend trying not to talk to hide the fact I had a numb tongue from licking an iron. I’m sure my mum was relieved because I was a pretty chatty child and never shut up.

I think later that day I did actually confess to my mums friend, and I think she told my mum. But that’s the story of the time I learnt the hard way that your tongue can definitely feel pain. The moral here: don’t lick irons. Seriously, just don’t.

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