Do I Have To?

This week I really didn’t want to write a blog post. I have zero motivation, no ideas that aren’t just “climate change is real, we’re killing the planet, and people are trash,” and nothing that I’d already pre-written (at least not that I want to post on my Sunday blog post). Really all I wanted to do was play Zoo Tycoon and try and complete the big cat level I’ve been stuck on for about 2 years.

However, I forced myself to write something, no matter how long or how utterly mindless, just so long as something gets posted. It’s not like I have to write anything. It’s my blog, it doesn’t matter if I don’t post right? At least that’s what people often say when I’m whining about how I don’t want to write anything. Except it’s not that simple.

Because for me, I find it incredibly easy to fall off of the wagon and out of good habits. If I say, “oh it’s just one week it doesn’t matter,” I start saying “it’s just one week it doesn’t matter,” more and more, until the next thing I know I haven’t written a blog post in six months. I’m great at putting things off. “I’ll just do it tomorrow” is one of my favourite phrases, and one that I’m sure drives my mother, and almost anyone else who knows me absolutely up the wall.

It’s something that I’m trying to work on, because I know that constantly putting things off isn’t always the best thing to do. It’s why I’m in my early twenties and still can’t drive, because it was always a case of “I’ll get to it at some point”, combined in part with my fear about my dyspraxia completely screwing it up. I always manage to find something I’d much rather be doing.

However, living alone and having to cook for myself when I get in from work has started to teach me something about my “I’ll do it tomorrow” attitude. It turns out that “I’ll do it tomorrow” just means that I have more work to do tomorrow. I’ve started with small things, like doing my washing up as I go along (for the most part), and putting things away when I’m done with them (sort of).

I’m still not great, and maybe I’ll always need a little push to keep myself organised, but even if staying on the wagon seems tough sometimes, it’s much easier than trying to get back on once you’ve fallen off.

Sophie x


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