As someone who is generally pretty introverted and suffers from social anxiety I often feel the need to hide myself away from the world. If I’ve spent a lot of time socialising I often need some time where I’m completely cut off form everything. The same is true when I’m stressed, or extremely anxious. I find myself a hiding place where I won’t be disturbed.
I don’t necessarily have a specific hiding place as such, but one of the main things for me when I’m stressed is that I like small enclosed spaces. Things like cupboards, and the underneath of beds. I’m not sure why I like those spaces so much, but I’m pretty sure my therapist would have a field day with that fact.
There is one specific hiding place that I have recently discovered, or maybe re-discovered. It’s a cupboard off the landing, above the stairs, in my childhood home. Growing up it was always full of stuff, but it’s now been cleared out and I’ve spent many hours inside of it already, cleaning it and painting.
It’s the perfect kind of hiding place, it’s small enough that it feels safe, without being too small. I can stand up inside of it if I need too, and there’d be plenty of space to make a little blanket nest. It’s well out of the way, it’s the kind of cupboard you walk past without really noticing, so even if I had people staying with me I’d be unlikely to be disturbed. It’s also nice and high up off the ground.
That’s my second kind of hiding spot, somewhere nice and high up. I’m currently in love with my attic, because it’s high up. It’s peaceful. It’s weird, because I’m kind of afraid of heights, if it’s really high up and I don’t feel secure. But if I’m nestled up in the branches of a tree leaning back against the trunk? That feels safe.
I like the idea of being able to observe without people being able to see me. That idea of being invisible, of only being able to be found if you choose it or if someone knows you well enough to know where you’ll be.
If you ever can’t find me, check in cupboards, under the bed, or up in a tree. But also if you can’t find me, I probably don’t want to be found.
A Place of Mine 